I hate heels!

I hate heels!: why I believe we should abolish heels
Published by Sofia on 2023-12-01 in Pop
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Hey everyone!

My name is Sofia and I'm kinda short. I think. It's weird for me to admit, cause up until the end of middle school (which, now that I think about it, was a looooong time ago), I was one of the tallest people in my class. What happened then? Well, I stopped growing in height and everyone kept going, making me short. So it's everyone else's fault, really.

For reference, since I can't tell how tall you are from this screen, I'll tell you that I'm 1.63 meters tall, or 5 feet 3 inches, in case there are any Americans reading. I could be shorter or taller than you, I don't really care.

My height doesn't give me so many problems, apart from not being able to reach tall shelves, but I can still manage that (that's what chairs are for, right? To climb up on them so you can get to the tall shelf?). The thing is that, when I attend more "formal" events, like fancy parties, I'm expected to wear heels. AND I HATE IT!
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illustration by Sofia A

Reason number 1: Walking is impossible

I've never been good at walking. Sometimes I think that there's been like a class or something about walking and I just didn't get the memo, cause I stumble a lot and can't walk and talk at the same time, I always end up bumping into people and things.

Imagine how much more difficult it becomes when I have to wear heels! Also, why do they make SO MUCH NOISE??? Every time I want to sneak away from the party for a while (my social battery runs out, okay???) I take one (1) step and it's like a whole marching band is passing right there, next to the buffet, so I always end up getting caught.
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illustration by Sofia A

Reason number 2: What if I need to run away?

I'm a nerd, so I know what happens to fancy parties, okay? Especially if they are proms or homecomings and they're at the end of the movie. I watch tv series, okay? I know that a supervillain is probably going to show up exactly when the prom queen is about to be crowned or when the maid of honor is doing her speech at a wedding.

And when that happens, how can I run away and get to a hidden place where I can change into my superhero/spy/super cool secret agent with hidden superpowers costume without revealing my identity? Tell me, dear reader, how can I do that if I'm wearing stupid fancy heels that will send me sprawling on the floor the second I try to run? I can't, that's what's going to happen. And the supervillain will win and conquer the Earth. All because I had to wear heels.
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illustration by Sofia A

Reason number 3: They hurt

I haven't met a single girl who hasn't complained about her heels hurting her feet at least once during a night out. I've seen people taking off their shoes and walking away barefoot, just so they didn't have to wear them one second more. I think that's a sufficient reason to stop including heels on fancy dress code.

So this is my official petition to make wearing sneakers to parties socially acceptable. Okay, I know that my hot pink sneakers are probably a bit too much for a wedding (even though they would be a vibe, let's be honest), but what about a simple black pair? At least I'd be able to save the world while wearing them. Think about it, I believe it's a fair trade: no supervillains controlling the Earth and the only condition is to let me (and any other superheroes who can't stand heels) wear sneakers to parties!