To finish high school

"This will always be your home"
Published by Charlie on 2018-06-07
I am about to graduate high school and all I have been able to think about in the past two months is how my things will change after that. I know my life will be very different from what it is now, or from what it has been in the last 13 years. I still can't quite picture my future "normal life", how different it will be. I can't imagine not having to wake up early in the morning, take the train, arrive at school and meet all my classmates just to stay seated for 5 hours straight, listening to the teacher speaking.
And I will miss it. I am going to miss everything about this. Yes, I am also very happy to finish like every other student. But school cannot be reduced to just lessons and grades. It's more, it's sharing, struggling, laughing, fighting, rejoicing... school is a whole lot of experiences, no matter if good or bad, that help you grow up. Every side of the school is part of this growth: your teachers, your friends, the subjects you study. And it's not about loving and appreciating every one of these things, there always is the classmate or teacher or school subject you hate. But that is the point. Being able to struggle and find obstacles in your way is the key to personal growth.

So yes, I am going to miss high school. I'm going to miss my classmates because, no matter what, "we are all in this together". I am going to miss my teachers, even the ones that made it difficult, especially them. I am going to miss every bit of it: the ring bell that would either cage or set us free, those faces I crossed in the corridors, the school printer that never worked...okay, I should stop because I am on the verge of tears right now.
You may be thinking that to miss high school this much I have to be one of those popular students that everyone knows and loves. Well, if you think this you can't be farther from the truth. I know high school has its flaws, but when you reach the end of it you get to see the bigger picture. I still remember the bad experiences, but in comparison to what this school left me with, it is absolutely worth it. I will never forget the good memories I made as well as the bad ones, and they will stick with me forever. I am truly grateful and if I look back I can see that I have been truly happy.

And leaving all of this hurts, it will hurt. I know that I am going to cry because with high school a big chapter of my life will be closed. We must not forget that when one chapter ends another begins, and this is the issue.

I am both very excited to begin a new part of life and very scared of it. I don't know how university will be (also, I don't know in which university I'll go) and I don't know if I am going to be able to recreate that comfort-zone I built in all these years.
It's like having to destroy something you care about and being left with the hope the new something one will be just as good as the old one. It's not a pleasant sensation.

Still, I can't say I am unhappy, because it is not true. I am deeply relieved instead, and I kind of hate this feeling. I mean, it's like my mind is fighting with itself. "How can you be happy right now? It's like these 13 years never mattered to you!" "Why are you sad? This is just the beginning of a new adventure!"
So yeah, it's like this.
I don't actually have any advice to give because it's the first time for me as well, but if you are in the same situation just know that "we're all in this together".
classmates
future
graduation
high school
nostalgia
school
teachers
university